Jessica

20

Full time worker of two jobs

Piecing my life together, day by day.

sassybabushka:

My friend knows someone who keeps all her money in a  hollow dildo. If you don’t think that’s genius, just imagine a robber stealing from a teenage girl’s room. Is he going to look in the dildo? Is he even going to want to touch the dildo?? No. A hollow dildo is safer than any safe or lock. 

Be safe, kids. Keep your money in a dildo.

(via pumpkinpiepants)

god-tiermeulin:

•start at one corner
•find something from 5 years ago and stare at it nostalgically for 10 hours
•go to bed

(Source: godtiermeowlin, via thisparadiseishell)

spellcaster-queen-selene:

Remember that movie in which Jack Black was a teacher and building a rock band and when a little black chubby girl asked to be a singer he only said “sure! let me hear you” and the moment she started using her beautiful voice his lit up like all of his dreams came…

(Source: selene-the-dragon-princess)

screarner:

*swirls chocolate milk in a wine glass*

(via trust)

actuates:

HOW TO PLAY SOCCER IN GYM CLASS:
1. Get the ball
2. Pass it to someone who actually knows how to play
3. Run.

(via hate)

luxio:

what if instead of gender we all had pokemon types

(via pokemonthemovie2000)

the-psycho-cutie:

i didn’t realize growing up meant dying inside but hey it’s whatever

(via pokemonthemovie2000)

beerito:

are u in love with me? no?? *slides u a chocolate pudding* how about now?

(via trust)

rneerkat:

with great power comes a great electricity bill

(via fake-mermaid)